Who am I Now?
A renewed relationship with God can be an opportunity that brings many to their knees, opening old storage boxes of God’s word “hidden” away and long forgotten simply because it was not convenient or relevant to apply at that time in life. This new relationship is humbling, eye- opening, and even painful as certain “truths” you could not accept in the past become clearly true now. For some, this is an easy transition with answers vividly clear and easy to adopt. For others it can be an identity crisis all over again as they struggle to apply all that is finally learned and accepted from God’s word. I can say I have journeyed back into God’s open arms again, but must also admit reminiscing on the individual I once was...and yes, even missing her. At 42-years-old I find myself pondering on, “Who am I now?” I was once confident and self- assertive, rarely minding what people thought of me and what impression I made with them. I simply did not care. Now, after returning to God, I find I am learning “me” again. This time, it is a “me” that is open-mindedly learning His word and a “me” that strives to have God at the center of all her decisions. The thing is, I have yet to know how to apply all that I am learning towards being a confident disciple of God’s. Have no fear! I am not discouraged by this! What has been encouraging is to be part of a WHO AM I NOW? community I feel safe in, where inspiring individuals have exercised fearlessness and passion for God, qualities that have most definitely influenced people like me. What have I seen from these people who extend grace everyday, from people who have visited our church and shared their testimonies, and from our growing children singing praises for God? It is not about proclaiming my truth anymore but of God’s. It is not about fighting for my own cause but for God’s. It is not about fulfilling my personal desires but fulfilling God’s. And this identity crisis is okay because His grace and love will see me through to a place of growth and transformation that will serve His purpose. Remembering the parable of the yeast (Matthew 13:33), let’s pray for patience so the yeast of the Holy Spirit can gradually work in all of us.
-Sister in Christ, INSPIRE